Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Inner Vase

This year has been really hard for me so far. I guess because I am on the verge of graduation (April 2010), and because I am almost 28 years old, and basically since February 12 I have been considered "a menace to society" - wise words of Brigham Young referring to the 27 and older MALES that were not married - I do think I fit in though... Even being a female! :)

But there are many things that happened, and I mentioned them here. But for some reason I have been feeling like I need to clean my Inner Vase in order to feel better about myself. I have been through a lot of discouraging situations. I am currently having to deal with constant fatigue, with an acne treatment that is lasting forever with a very strong medicine that's bringing my cholesterol and my triglycerides up, and bringing my mood down - it can cause depression, especially in people who already suffered from it *hint*hint*, and far away with my parents, overwhelmed with school and work, lonely, and single.

Sometimes I feel I am "entitled" to complain about my life. But as I was looking back on it a few weeks ago I realized that probably most of the problem was caused by myself. I then decided to take a few steps to "clean my inner vase" and I have been able to see some results. There are some things that still discourage me - I'm scared of what the near future holds. I'm afraid I won't be able to find a decent job, I'm afraid of staying in Idaho or going down to Utah - I am craving a change! Some people know that I LOVE CHANGES!!! And I think it's about time... Am I ever going to settle down? I hope so!

But going back to the inner vase thing, it's working. Slowly but surely! I never lost hope that eventually my life will get better. I have all the reasons to be grateful right now: my health is hanging in there, I feel the love that my parents have for me, I have a job that helps me get by, I get help from my school in pretty much whatever I need (except for finding a date), and I have my TV :) I still need to work on my anger management - note that I am not a violent person but I do get pretty upset about some stuff and basically I refuse to talk to the person until be anger goes down. This has been an issue. But I'm getting there.

Going to the Temple has helped me a bunch. I love being there, even though most of the times I'll be sleepy, but it's good to go there and meditate upon the things that I need to improve on and the things that I'm grateful for.

Today I literally cleaned my room, and that helped me feel a little more spiritual peace. I'm hoping this week will get better and that by the end of it I will be smiling more :)

To all of you who might be in a similar situation, I encourage you to try to do the same. Again it can be a slow process as trials will keep coming, but at least you'll feel more prepared to face them.

P.S. I mentioned that trials keep coming. I just burned a Kettle (forgot it on the stove - I was planning to make some Peppermint tea - and completely forgot about it. The fire alarm went off and now the house stinks). And life is good! *sarcasm*


O Mundo de Danica said...

humm...posso entender bem ccomo vc se sente...houve um tempo que me senti assim,até que finalmente eu consegui realizar as mudanças na minha vida e finalmente me sentir feliz!
Ir ao Templo sem dúvidas ajuda e muitooooooo!
Gostei que vc falou sobre ser grato...isso ajuda muito tmb nesse processo e etamente 2010 será um ano melhor!

Obrigada pelos coments visse?
Tmb morria de medo de ser mãe e o que me encorajou foi o enormeee desejo de Ed ser pai , por amor a ele eu tomei coragem e finalmente sou mãe!

Bjãoooo e boa semana!


Camila said...

Helga, posso fazer uma sugestao? Try to find some volunteer work you can do once a week or so. I'm sure BYU can find you something, or you can also go to local schools. That will give you an extra something uplifting to look for every week. I'm not sure why, but what president Hinckley's dad said to him when he was on his mission keeps coming to my mind "Forget yourself and go to work". I used to think that was a little harsh, but once I understood that the forget yourself means forget your problems, or don't focus on them, it made it into a very loving statement.
When our problems are too big or painful to be focusing on, focusing on the ability we have to help others with their problems shows us the power we have to deal with our own.
I hope you keep feeling better. We love ya!

Megan Davenport Cannon said...

Sorry to hear about your health issues, Helga :(. That really can get to you emotionally, and it's the pits. I can understand being nervous about your future, especially as you have literally no idea what is going to happen. My best advice is to keep in mind that the Lord is in charge, and His plans are *always* better than your own. That surprised me a lot sometimes when I thought I had some pretty good plans made haha.

That's awesome that you are going to the temple frequently . . . I'm sure that is helping your inner cleansing process a lot.

Love you!